Growing Up
by notidkgba27
Summary: "Things however never really do go as planned when it comes to Butters' life in fact things often go wrong, terribly, horribly wrong and whatever choices the boy made had a tendency of coming back to take a bite right out of his behind."


**Growing Up a.k.a. Something That Superheroes and Supervillains Do Not Partake In**

**A/N: For 2originalcents because they turned older**

It's two days past Butters' sixteenth birthday and apparently that's two days too old to be playing heroes versus villains but he's been thinking about it for a while now. He's not a kid no more, no siree, and anyways Cartman's getting too old for these games too. It's not healthy to remain in a child's mindset when you're no longer a child but still Butters had tried his best to hang in there for Cartman's sake. Ultimately though Butters had to face the truth that he was a man now and as a full-fledged man he was going to start having some real responsibilities ones that were much more dire than his usual list of household chores. He had a future to think about and all the knocks to the head he received whenever The Coon had tackled Professor Chaos to the ground would surely prove detrimental in his ability to think about that said future.

Of course just because he had reached the age of maturity didn't mean he was prepared to deal with Cartman one-on-one. It wasn't necessarily that Cartman was still the same old bully because he really wasn't but with Professor Chaos retiring his cloak and that old aluminum helmet of his there would be no one left for The Coon to harass besides the innocent bystanders that he deemed as either victims or dangers to society. Butters did feel a sense of guilt for not standing in between The Coon and the not-so-normal everyday citizens of South Park but he wouldn't dwell on it. He couldn't afford to do so really. If he worked hard enough then maybe, just maybe, he could still have a chance of not becoming a skidmark on the underpants of society which was his and his father's worst nightmare and the only way to avoid that horrid fate was to get his figurative shit together at this very moment.

Things however never really do go as planned when it comes to Butters' life in fact things often go wrong, terribly, horribly wrong and whatever choices the boy made had a tendency of coming back to take a bite right out of his behind. In the case of this decision to permanently drop out of his rivalry with The Coon karma had showed up right at his front door in the form of a not so happy Eric Cartman.

"What the fuck Butters?!"

Yep, he sure wasn't happy and Butters flinches at Cartman's tone not being able to get a word out before a crumpled wad of something is pushed towards his chest. He stumbles back and is barely able to catch what was given to him so harshly before it falls to the ground. Right away Butters becomes aware of what it is he's holding in his hands and he doesn't really appreciate that Cartman had gone ahead and messed up his carefully crafted letter of resignation.

He had thought long and hard about the best way to end this game before he had resolved to do so by letter, proper grammar and everything, but apparently Cartman was unimpressed even angry at the gesture but that really was to be expected. Another thing that Butters had liked about the letter was that, in theory at least, it would have required no direct contact with Cartman himself but Butters had failed to take into consideration the possibility that Cartman would get off that fat ass of his and waddle his way over to his house. Turns out that Cartman had not yet reached a level of laziness where the house next door would be thought of as too far of a venture in order to yell at a fella. So now Butters was stuck with his angry oversized friend who was now standing in his living room and not outside where Butters could have at least risked the consequence of closing the door on him.

"If you're going to break into my fucking house and violate my privacy the very fucking least you could do is leave me pancakes and not this pile of crap?! Do you not understand the implications of this or do you just not care? The Coon needs an archrival, Butters! What kind of a superhero can The Coon ever hope to be if there's no enemy, no objective?! You can't just drop out of this, Butters, so get your shit together and stop being a fucking pansy."

Butters takes a good twenty-five seconds to process what Cartman just yelled at him and he takes offense to the implication that he would break into anyone's, let alone Cartman's, house. He knew very well that Cartman had his house booby trapped just in case one particular Jewish resident ever decided to attack him in the middle of the night and even if the traps consisted mainly of greased floors and baby monitors scattered around the house he wasn't the type of person to just break in when he could just knock and have Liane deliver the letter for him. Anyways breaking into people's houses was Cartman's specialty especially if that house was Butters'. There was plenty of nights that Butters was awoken by Cartman leaning over his face and whispering rather loudly about whatever plan he had conceived for the both of them to carry out. Sometimes he dreaded those nights and other times he'd listen intently before hopping out of bed willing and ready to support Cartman in whatever way possible.

At this very moment Butters wasn't very interested in joining Cartman. He had told him to 'get his shit together' and that was exactly what Butters was attempting to do with himself and exactly why their game had to stop. Butters sighs and licks his lips preparing himself for what might be the biggest task of his life, getting Cartman to accept 'no' as an answer.

"Eric, I don't get what's so hard to understand. I was as specific as I could be in this here letter an' I don't appreciate you goin' on an' crumplin' it all up after I worked so hard on gettin' it together for ya."

Butters is looking down at the paper of his hands, partially because looking at Cartman at this very moment would certainly add to the dread building in his stomach and partially because he was trying to get his letter looking back to how it was a few hours ago when it had been fresh off the press, so crisp and clean.

Cartman laughs and it doesn't even take the visual of that for Butters to gulp, his fingers shaking as they smooth out the paper which is hopelessly wrinkled and even stained from whatever it was that Cartman had been stuffing into his mouth at the time that he had been reading his words.

"Okay, Butters, I'm going to explain this as simply as possible, okay?"

The blond looks up and nods having given up on his task and his knuckles would certainly be grinding together if it wasn't for them being currently occupied by the piece of paper that was solely responsible for his situation.

"Okay, so I'm going to define something for you and all I need for you to do is just nod that head of yours if you agree. The Coon is a superhero, the most awesomest coolest superhero whose name alone can get your panties all wet. Agreed?"

Butters nods even though he doesn't wear any panties and even if he did they certainly wouldn't get wet just by hearing Cartman's alter ego's name. That actually sounds like a pretty impossible event but of course Butters doesn't say any of that.

"Now what exactly is it that a superhero does besides being superhot and awesome and just a totally all-around kick ass guy? Well, he saves people from danger and how in the hell is The Coon supposed to save anyone if the only fucking supervillain fucking quits?! This isn't a fucking game, Butters, people depend on The Coon and how can they depend on him without you going around and putting them in danger?"

Butters doesn't nod this time and Cartman is looking a bit red now, eyes narrowed and cheeks puffed out more than usual. Even if everything Cartman just said makes sense to Cartman that type of logic doesn't really apply in the real world. Anyways Butters hates to admit it even to himself but it's true that Professor Chaos never really did go around terrorizing citizens. He had wanted to, oh, golly, did he start off wanting to just bring an end to this cruel, cruel world with his brand of chaos and destruction but even with the help of General Disarray he never really was able to concoct an efficient plan. At the end of the day it was actually The Coon who proved to be very good at the whole supervillain routine.

"Well, you see, Eric, I'm growing up now and it's time for me to stop it with all these games of ours. Professor Chaos ain't exactly an achievement to put on my college applications, ya know."

He crosses his arms over his chest and feels rather proud of himself for being so straightforward but the look that Cartman gives him does a little more than take the winds out of his sail. Butters really ain't that good at arguing and it's quite rare when he is able to stand up for himself when being opposed by Cartman but he's really hoping that one of those rare moments will happen soon because he can already feel the guilt that Cartman is forcing onto him starting to build into something that might make him change his mind.

"College? Butters, that's so fucking far into the future that it's irrelevant and don't act like you don't need this either. Professor Chaos means something to you just like The Coon does."

"Well, of course you mean somethin' to me, Eric!"

In the heat of the moment Butters had forgotten that Cartman himself isn't The Coon that he's just the president of his fan club, his representative and messenger, and totally not The Coon himself. At least that's how Butters is supposed to approach this game. So Cartman is thrown off though Butters isn't too sure if it's because of the possibility that his identity has been compromised or because Butters very explicitly stated that unlike everyone else in town he does actually and very genuinely care about Cartman.

The brunet blushes and he looks a bit speechless but he only lets himself act like that for a few seconds before he attempts to recapture his composure though he wasn't exactly composed earlier with all that hollering he was doing.

"I'm not The Coon, Butters. I know we're both super cool and awesome but unlike you The Coon is actually good at keeping his secret identity a secret."

"Yeah, I f-forgot that. Sorry 'bout that, Eric."

There's some awkward silence and a few shared looks followed by the two of them quickly looking away from one another and the only thing that Butters has been grateful about today is that his parents aren't home right now, having left early for work, though perhaps them being here could have actually been a blessing since they certainly would have grounded Butters by now for saying all the wrong things. Well, it's not as if there's no such things as second chances and there's always the slight possibility that Butters could redeem himself and now that he's all grown up he has to at least try.

"Ya see, Eric, I do like foolin' around an' playin' all these games an' I also like fightin' against The Coon an' all but I can't be doin' these sorts of things forever an' neither can you. People grow up an' sometimes super heroes and super villains need to go an' move on to other things but that don't mean nothing's changed between 'em. Professor Chaos and The Coon are gonna be archenemies for life an' ain't nothing gonna change that just like how you an' me are gonna be real good buddies for life too and ain't nothin' gonna change that either. Do you get what I'm a sayin'?"

"Butters, you are so unbelievably gay."

Cartman's used that word as an insult before but this time it doesn't really feel the same. There's a look on his face and if Butters didn't know any better than it could have been described as him trying to fight back a smile. Sure Cartman's face looks pretty standard at the moment, mildly annoyed and double-chinned, but Butters has been around both Cartman and The Coon long enough to notice little things about them both like how when Cartman parted his lips ever so slightly it didn't really mean he wanted to say anything but that he was taking in someone else's words for once or that when Cartman would stuff his hands into his pockets it meant that he was nervous.

Butters however had never been very good with subtlety and luckily it had never really been expected of him to be so he giggles a bit before biting down at his lips and looking down at the paper in his hands. He's not really sure what he expected to happen when he started this letter but he really thought it would aide him on being more mature.

"I'm thinkin' of gettin' a job soon. That's somethin' that mature people do, right?"

"No, that's something that douchey people do. Why do you need a fucking job anyway? We made almost four hundred dollars with our last project."

Butters doesn't know what to say to that because he doesn't really need a job for any financial reason. Sure his parents no longer give him an allowance but with the monthly scams and schemes that he and Cartman pull he has a pretty healthy bank account. No, the whole reason for getting a job is because that would be the mature thing to do but Cartman's sort of right, really right actually about a lot of the things he's said so far. Replacing his occupation of Professor Chaos with an actual occupation isn't appealing in the least. It would make his dad and mother a bit more pleased but it wouldn't do very much for Butters. Maturity overall just sucks and Butters doesn't actually want any part of it. Cartman on the other hand seems to have life figured out at least as far as today is concerned and maybe not worrying about the future and just being immature is just a better thing to do.

"I guess you're right, Eric."

"Of course I am."

He isn't sure whether to roll his eyes or to laugh along so he does neither and just smiles to himself as he messes with the paper that's still in his hands, tearing at the edges and folding the corners.

"Anyways bein' Professor Chaos is really fun. I get to be bad or at least more bad than usual."

"Butters, you're an asshole but you're not bad-"

Cartman's interrupted by a wad of paper hitting him right in the face and unlike Butters he fails to catch it before it lands at his feet. He rubs at his eyes a bit and he's still wincing as he looks down at the paper and right in front of him to his attacker.

"What the fuck was that for, dickwad?!"

"I was just provin' to y'all that I ain't no goody two-shoes, Eric."

He gets a punch to his arm for that but Cartman's never been very strong and Butters steps back from him, bending over with laughter as he holds his stomach.

"Jeez, Eric, ya ain't very strong, ya know?"

"Asshole…"

Cartman crosses his arms over his chest and attempts to kick the paper at Butters missing and causing the blond to laugh a bit more. Butters finally pulls himself together and clears his throat as he stands up straight. He hadn't expected much out of today other than pissing Cartman off but he doesn't seem exactly pissed off just looks a bit overwhelmed and slightly amused at him. He tilts his head and smiles wide for Cartman, debating whether or not to keep his lips opened or closed and finally decides on the latter, his thin lips turned up as his blue eyes sparkle.

"I'm real glad ya ain't angry at me, Eric."

"You're just lucky I'm such an understanding guy but don't push your luck."

That exact wording might sound a bit threatening but Cartman's not really a threat anymore and though he still worries the blond from time to time Butters hasn't really been scared of him in a long, long time and even when he was a child he was never exactly scared of him either. Perhaps annoyed would be a better word and besides that Cartman was a source of a lot of his anxiety when he was younger. Now a days Cartman ain't nothing other than all talk and the only action he ever takes is when he's behind his Coon mask.

Still Butters isn't one to push his buttons unless of course he's in his Professor Chaos attire and at this moment that's all stuffed away in the very back of his closet a very successful hiding place so far though it might just be because his parents haven't given his room thorough examination in a while. It might be that his parents are finally starting to trust him to not be hiding anything illegal in there which would only be the case if Cartman were to ask him to hold something for him or maybe they've finally given up on him. Sure that's not exactly a very nice thought but their expectations had been slowly wearing Butters down over the year. He was after all very close to giving up his alter ego's criminal lifestyle though he most likely would have kept up his real-life criminal lifestyle as Cartman's assistant.

Butters sighs, for better or worse he seems to be very involved with the very things he shouldn't be: internet scams, dealing out false answers on school's exams to younger students, and Eric Cartman himself. All of that might not exactly be something he should be proud of but he is in a way. The sort of way that makes him just as bad as Cartman but it's all very fun and profitable and Butters isn't one to feel much guilt now that he's older.

"Don't ya worry, Eric, I'll be nice."

Cartman looks up and he can see that Butters isn't very apologetic at all, he's biting down on his lip and there's that particular sparkle in his eyes that he gets whenever he feels extra excitable. It's sort of lame that Cartman's able to read Butters so easily but spending enough time with anyone can teach you a lot about their body language and Cartman figures that knowing Butters' body and his cues are ultimately a good thing in more ways than he's willing to admit right now and his cheeks redden at the thought. He tells himself that things like this are normal and in normal he means straight though he's never dared share these thoughts with others for verification that being nervous and eager at the thought of Butters doesn't really mean anything. He just figures that spending a lot of time with anyone could also make you feel weird things and of course there's nothing more to it. He is Eric Cartman after all, genius extraordinaire, and if he says that thinking certain things about Butters is totally straight well then it obviously is(n't).

He scratches at his stomach and diverts his eyes away from the boy in front of him, his attention landing on a plate of half-eaten waffles just from looking he can tell that they're of the frozen variety and that there's not nearly enough of that horrid sugar-free maple syrup that Stotch family buys. At home right now is the fresh sugar and fat filled breakfast that his mom left him and that's a thousand times tastier, Cartman's stomach rumbling in agreement, but to get to it he'd have to walk back home and anyways he sort of likes Butters' company in some weird way. He mumbles out "whatever" in response to Butters before shuffling over to the kitchen table, plopping his totally not fat ass down in what was probably Butters' seat and ignores the protesting creak that the chair gives at his weight.

Upon closer inspection Cartman discovers that the waffles are not only the frozen kind and are not only in sugar-free maple syrup but are also whole-grain. They also already have Butters' gay cooties too being half-eaten and all. So Cartman takes his fork and lifts one to his mouth, stuffing it in and swallowing it down without any real chewing which worries Butters since the last thing he wants is someone choking when he's supposed to be home alone, but Cartman survives.

"Eric, those were, uh, mine…"

The two boys look at each other before Butters just gives in, rolling his eyes and walking over to the freezer to get some waffles for himself as Cartman returns to eating stolen food. He's used to this by now and expects it and he doesn't even bother telling Cartman that the only reason he didn't eat those waffles himself was because he had sneezed on them prior to letting the brunet in. Butters chuckles to himself as he places the new waffles in the toaster and leans against the counter to watch Cartman as they heat up. If Cartman wanted Professor Chaos then by golly Butters would deliver and having Cartman be the first victim in his reign of terror…. Well, that was just a-okay with him.


End file.
